Manure Madness
The Road to the Final Foul

The Championship Match – Round 5: Inspired Insipidness

Companies that make it this far have to be really bad. They’ve trounced their competition with a barrage of verbal diarrhea. Their empty, say-nothing prose secured a second round win. With a total lack of accountability and responsibility, they’ve made it to the Final Foul. And their cheesy clichés and slogans propelled them to the championship game.

Damn, it’s hard to be that bad!

In the final test of Manure Madness, shareholder letters will be evaluated to see just how dull, boring and lifeless they can be. How many syllables will it take to induce a deep REM cycle? How many stupid generic photos are used? Just how hard can we try to suck the life out of the readers’ souls?

The winner of this final round will be crowned 2005’s Shining Beacon of Business Idiocy.


Scoring Specifics


The judges will qualitatively evaluate the final two shareholder letter using the following criteria:

Insipidness Trait


Stupid Generic Photos: Pictures that add mass without content, full of self-important looks, unnatural ethnic and gender balance, and a complete absence of reality
Soul-lessness: Inability to connect in any real way with anything having a pulse and a zip code.
Bored out of our Gourds: The letter is more boring than the periodic table (sorry, chemists). Absolutely no attempt is made to make it interesting to real people.
Rude and Offensive: Treats shareholders like idiots incapable of understanding or appreciating nuance, straight-talk and basic truth
Yugo factor: Cheap; poorly constructed; no real effort to do a quality job; crank it out because no one really cares attitude


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