Manure Madness
The Road to the Final Foul
Round 3: Commitophobia
Business idiots have become commitophobes, living in constant fear of being held accountable for something tangible. In this round, the Obfuscating Eight, companies will duke it out to see who can do the best job of evading responsibility and avoiding accountability. That little accounting scandal that lopped 25% off our share price – why mention that? Why say something concrete about our goals for the coming year when we can beat our chests about that tsunami relief donation representing one-one billionth of our annual revenues?
The least accountable and most evasive company letters surviving this round will make it to The Final Foul, where they will battle for the overall championship.
Scoring Specifics
Letters are qualitatively evaluated for both evasiveness and accountability using the following criteria:
1. No problems or shortcomings from the prior year are mentioned
2. Promises made in prior letters are never revisited to see if anything actually happened
3. Obvious issues and problems are cloaked in obscure language
4. If problems or shortcomings are mentioned, leadership takes absolutely no responsibility for them
5. No concrete plans or metrics are offered that can be used the following year to evaluate progress
6. No strategic direction is offered to deal with big, tough challenges
The three esteemed authors will independently (in between Rolling Rocks during halftime of the real March Madness games) evaluate the Obfuscating Eight and assign a letter grade for Commitophobia. In case of a tie, the authors will look a picture of each participating CEO and decide who has the sneakiest looking eyes.
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