Manure Madness Crowns a Champion

(April 4, 2005) -- It's official: by a convincing margin (55-45), McKesson trounced Lockheed to win the title of 2005's Shining Beacon of Business Idiocy.

Our judges, and all those who stopped by to vote, were thoroughly impressed with the level of idiocy in McKesson's letter. Empty calories, verbal diarrhea, cheesiness, commitophobia, and total lifelessness – these guys showed up with an all-court game, and they came to win. Even the highlight clips are enough to get us all hot and sweaty:

• "Clearly, McKesson is well-positioned for growth." (Good... yes, this is good. Growth is good. We all like growth. And this overused cliché appeared in almost every contestant's letter this year.)

• Apparently, "the forces for change are intensifying." (Remember you read it here first.)

• "A recent study by the Healthcare Distribution Management Association identified the important value provided ... through superior delivery logistics ... and phenomenal operating efficiencies combined with innovative valueadding services." (So, scratch "crappy logistics" and "age-old value-subtracting services" from your company's operating goals.)

• They're "implementing a series of organizational refinements designed to better align and integrate [their] product development and selling efforts with the evolving needs of the marketplace." (Developing and selling stuff that customers want - too bad the competition isn't on to this. We think it could be big.)

• "As a result of our recent organizational changes, continued focus on operating efficiencies and expense controls, favorable market conditions, comprehensive solutions to address healthcare's need to improve quality and reduce cost, product innovation and strategic initiatives, we believe McKesson is well positioned for sustained growth." (a.k.a., the kitchen sink strategy)

• While we continue to leverage our cost structure through expense controls and productivity programs, Pharmaceutical Solutions operating margin rate and operating profit came under pressure as a result of reduced product sourcing opportunities and lower pricing to customers. To stabilize margins, we are executing proactive programs to address both the profit that we earn from the services we provide to our manufacturer partners and our pricing to customers. (Proactively managing profit. Careful with the specifics! Better hope the competition doesn't hear about that novel approach.)

Congratulations, McKesson, and everyone involved in your annual report. Lockheed, it's a bitter loss, but we know you'll be back next year, stronger than ever, and even more determined. We'll watch both teams (and all our contestants) as they issue press releases and post new web copy in an effort to show their strength going into next year's tournament.

But this year belongs to McKesson. They proudly take home the trophy as the 2005 Shining Beacon of Business Idiocy.