Manure Madness Officially Begins.
Greetings Sportsfans,
It’s that time of year again when corporate types everywhere are transfixed by the drama and spectacle of annual report season (sort of). Now the team at FighttheBull.com announces comprehensive, blow-by-blow coverage of the clichés, platitudes and truckloads of bull that grace some of the most expensive print materials ever destined for the recycle bin.
Yep, we're here to cover all the action of Manure Madness, an annual tournament that will crown the company with the worst annual shareholder letter as a Shining Beacon of Business Idiocy.
Here's how it works:
Tournament slots were awarded to the 32 largest Fortune 100 companies to release a 2005 annual report as of press time. The brackets are available here and look something like this:
Contestants will go head-to-head with other Fortune 100 companies in five rounds of bull spotting. Tournament judges will oversee the first three rounds, but the final two rounds will be open to the public for judging.
Once the “Final Foul” are revealed, on March 28, the public will begin a week’s worth of voting on the absolute worst shareholder letter. On April 4, one company will be crowned the first annual Shining Beacon of Business Idiocy.
First Round (the Round of 32): Verbal Diarrhea
Seeded contenders endured the first round of grueling analysis on Monday, March 21, when they were evaluated on their Verbal Diarrhea Quotient. Winners (if you can call them that) were those shareholder letters that scored the worst on the Flesch Reading Ease Scale. The Flesch scale is the world’s most widely used tool to measure document readability.
Future rounds -- the Smelly Sixteen, the Obfuscating Eight, the Final Foul, and the Championship Round -- will be judged on Empty Calories, Commitophobia, Cheese Factory, and Inspired Insipidness. Here's some quick information on how each round will be scored; more detailed scoring logarithms are available on the Tournament site:
Round 2) The Smelly Sixteen: Empty Calories
In this round, Corporate titans will compete to see who can do the best to drown their shareholders in a heaping helping of fluff. Letters to shareholders will be evaluated to see what percentage of total words say absolutely, positively nothing. In addition, the points will be awarded to those companies who do a particularly creative job of showcasing a complete and total lack of strategy.
Round 3) The Obfuscating Eight: Commitophobia
Business idiots have become commitophobes, living in constant fear of being held accountable for something tangible. In this round, eight companies will duke it out to see who can do the best job of evading responsibility and avoiding accountability.
Round 4) The Final Foul: The Cheese Factory
In this round, combatants will duel each other to see -- and the voting public will decide -- who can offer up the cheesiest load of tired clichés (“our people are our most important asset”), overused catchphrases (“we are well positioned for growth”) and syrupy say-nothing slogans (“building a better world for all”). Bonus points will be awarded for egregious repetition of foul smelling phrases.
Round 5) The Champion Idiot: Inspired Insipidness
In the final test of Manure Madness, shareholder letters will be evaluated -- again by the voting public -- to see just how dull, boring and lifeless they can be. How many syllables will it take to induce a deep REM cycle? How many stupid generic photos are used? Just how hard can we try to suck the life out of the readers’ souls?
All action – as well as lively commentary, examples of corporate nonsense, and the final voting – will take place at www.fightthebull.com.
Game on!
USA Today Review
In other news, for those who prefer books to sports, yesterday's edition of USA Today included a review of Why Business People Speak Like Idiots, and we managed to avoid the Wrath of Walraff! They actually called it "a charming manifesto" and advised people to "read it, and then give it to everyone you work with." We were humbled, honored, flattered and relieved.
It’s that time of year again when corporate types everywhere are transfixed by the drama and spectacle of annual report season (sort of). Now the team at FighttheBull.com announces comprehensive, blow-by-blow coverage of the clichés, platitudes and truckloads of bull that grace some of the most expensive print materials ever destined for the recycle bin.
Yep, we're here to cover all the action of Manure Madness, an annual tournament that will crown the company with the worst annual shareholder letter as a Shining Beacon of Business Idiocy.
Here's how it works:
Tournament slots were awarded to the 32 largest Fortune 100 companies to release a 2005 annual report as of press time. The brackets are available here and look something like this:
Contestants will go head-to-head with other Fortune 100 companies in five rounds of bull spotting. Tournament judges will oversee the first three rounds, but the final two rounds will be open to the public for judging.
Once the “Final Foul” are revealed, on March 28, the public will begin a week’s worth of voting on the absolute worst shareholder letter. On April 4, one company will be crowned the first annual Shining Beacon of Business Idiocy.
First Round (the Round of 32): Verbal Diarrhea
Seeded contenders endured the first round of grueling analysis on Monday, March 21, when they were evaluated on their Verbal Diarrhea Quotient. Winners (if you can call them that) were those shareholder letters that scored the worst on the Flesch Reading Ease Scale. The Flesch scale is the world’s most widely used tool to measure document readability.
Future rounds -- the Smelly Sixteen, the Obfuscating Eight, the Final Foul, and the Championship Round -- will be judged on Empty Calories, Commitophobia, Cheese Factory, and Inspired Insipidness. Here's some quick information on how each round will be scored; more detailed scoring logarithms are available on the Tournament site:
Round 2) The Smelly Sixteen: Empty Calories
In this round, Corporate titans will compete to see who can do the best to drown their shareholders in a heaping helping of fluff. Letters to shareholders will be evaluated to see what percentage of total words say absolutely, positively nothing. In addition, the points will be awarded to those companies who do a particularly creative job of showcasing a complete and total lack of strategy.
Round 3) The Obfuscating Eight: Commitophobia
Business idiots have become commitophobes, living in constant fear of being held accountable for something tangible. In this round, eight companies will duke it out to see who can do the best job of evading responsibility and avoiding accountability.
Round 4) The Final Foul: The Cheese Factory
In this round, combatants will duel each other to see -- and the voting public will decide -- who can offer up the cheesiest load of tired clichés (“our people are our most important asset”), overused catchphrases (“we are well positioned for growth”) and syrupy say-nothing slogans (“building a better world for all”). Bonus points will be awarded for egregious repetition of foul smelling phrases.
Round 5) The Champion Idiot: Inspired Insipidness
In the final test of Manure Madness, shareholder letters will be evaluated -- again by the voting public -- to see just how dull, boring and lifeless they can be. How many syllables will it take to induce a deep REM cycle? How many stupid generic photos are used? Just how hard can we try to suck the life out of the readers’ souls?
All action – as well as lively commentary, examples of corporate nonsense, and the final voting – will take place at www.fightthebull.com.
Game on!
USA Today Review
In other news, for those who prefer books to sports, yesterday's edition of USA Today included a review of Why Business People Speak Like Idiots, and we managed to avoid the Wrath of Walraff! They actually called it "a charming manifesto" and advised people to "read it, and then give it to everyone you work with." We were humbled, honored, flattered and relieved.
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