The Obscure-Me State
As a former shovel wielder working in the 30 (felt more like 35) stalls at a dressage stable, I could always count on two things. First, my old Nikes had a permanent organic smell to them that reliably brought a bit of the country right into my own car. More importantly, I could rely on a complete absence of bullshit when I entered the realm of -- well, horseshit. Might have been a chemical thing. You could have created a plain English headquarters in the tack room. Even city slickers pretty much spoke their mind when they came out to spend time with their horses.
It was a stark contrast, working with bytes and bits all week and then switching to bridles and bits on the weekend, but it must have been a healthy thing to get away from "adding cross-enterprise value" to "adding water to that bucket and raking the shit out of the aisle." We didn't even think to form an Aisle Egress and Aesthetics Assessment Task Force.
Now, agriculture seems determined to follow the same highway to linguistic hell that we in the technology world have already traveled so often it's had to be widened. A friend alerted me to a link from the University of Missouri Extension Value Added Development Center. Yes, the name should have tipped me off but, like one of those morons in a horror movie, I pulled out my Zippo, pushed aside the cobwebs and stepped into the dark attic of this website where I found this spectre:
"Adding value to traditional agriculture commodities provides for the opportunity to enhance farm business income. To effectively assist agricultural producers and agribusinesses in coordinating and capturing value from the agriculture supply chain the Value Added Development Center has established three objectives: (1) provide extension educators decision support tools with which to assist agriculture producers in the formation and operation of collective entrepreneurship businesses, (2) develop a mechanism for linking campus research and extension activities related to value added agriculture, and (3) provide support and strategic planning input to function business units"
They might have called it the Value Added Development Center of Excellence, to hit the hard sell a bit harder, but it's quite a dish as it stands. For more, or to enroll and try to get into the class we plan to sign up for, visit http://valueadded.missouri.edu/welcome.asp.
We've appointed a bullfighting task force to investigate, but early indications suggest that the committee behind this was abducted, held hostage in Silicon Valley in the back of a Porsche Cayenne and began to bond with their captors. Being real, straight talking people from Missouri, or 'Missoura', this obviously couldn't have been their fault. In case this sort of imported bull becomes more common, however, we've already drafted a letter to the governor of the fine state of Missouri, suggesting that "The Show Me State" slogan on its vehicle license plates be replaced. We've proposed "The Obscure Me State."
It was a stark contrast, working with bytes and bits all week and then switching to bridles and bits on the weekend, but it must have been a healthy thing to get away from "adding cross-enterprise value" to "adding water to that bucket and raking the shit out of the aisle." We didn't even think to form an Aisle Egress and Aesthetics Assessment Task Force.
Now, agriculture seems determined to follow the same highway to linguistic hell that we in the technology world have already traveled so often it's had to be widened. A friend alerted me to a link from the University of Missouri Extension Value Added Development Center. Yes, the name should have tipped me off but, like one of those morons in a horror movie, I pulled out my Zippo, pushed aside the cobwebs and stepped into the dark attic of this website where I found this spectre:
"Adding value to traditional agriculture commodities provides for the opportunity to enhance farm business income. To effectively assist agricultural producers and agribusinesses in coordinating and capturing value from the agriculture supply chain the Value Added Development Center has established three objectives: (1) provide extension educators decision support tools with which to assist agriculture producers in the formation and operation of collective entrepreneurship businesses, (2) develop a mechanism for linking campus research and extension activities related to value added agriculture, and (3) provide support and strategic planning input to function business units"
They might have called it the Value Added Development Center of Excellence, to hit the hard sell a bit harder, but it's quite a dish as it stands. For more, or to enroll and try to get into the class we plan to sign up for, visit http://valueadded.missouri.edu/welcome.asp.
We've appointed a bullfighting task force to investigate, but early indications suggest that the committee behind this was abducted, held hostage in Silicon Valley in the back of a Porsche Cayenne and began to bond with their captors. Being real, straight talking people from Missouri, or 'Missoura', this obviously couldn't have been their fault. In case this sort of imported bull becomes more common, however, we've already drafted a letter to the governor of the fine state of Missouri, suggesting that "The Show Me State" slogan on its vehicle license plates be replaced. We've proposed "The Obscure Me State."
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