HTML, XML and BML

One of the more exciting value-adds that promises to unleash synergies across the enterprise communications is our new proprietary markup language, BML - that's Bull Markup Language, for you technophobes. (Yes, you. Sit up straight.) Prior to the onslaught - that is, the advent of BML, we were all left to wonder whether a bit of text was an overbearing sales pitch, generic fluff or genuine bull. If our new standard set of tags is adopted more widely, however, people and systems everywhere will be able to recognize immediately what they are reading.

As the adoption of XML (Extensible Markup Language) followed HTML (Hyper-Text Markup Language, which allowed people view photos of naked people on virtually any computer in any public library, school or business environment), we believe that BML will take the modern business word to new levels. Just as XML indicates whether a text string is an address, a surname or a type of sushi, BML will enable applications to process bull with vastly improved efficiency. Automated email templates will be able to create the right mix of the hard sell, invented words and stale analogies, all without human intervention except maybe to sign and send the thing. The most noteworthy bull will be routed to the right databases for immediate storage and potential reuse.

Working with the international committee charged with developing BML, we have taken care to keep it simple. No markup language will find a ready user community if it is unnecessarily complicated, so our recommendations have been for short tags for the most common applications. Some examples follow. Remember, the tags are shown here for clarity but are normally invisible to the readers:

Self aggrandizement

<slfaggr>We at the Global Center of Excellence are dedicated to helping our clients exceed all world class benchmarks.</slfaggr>

Basic hard sell

<hdsell>You really should try our product today. It's the closest thing I've seen to a medical miracle.</hdsell>

Oblique hard sell

<ohdsell>I hate to even tell you to move forward with this, because I think the results are just astounding. But I'm not the kind of guy who likes to hard-sell anything.</ohdsell>

Useless generic fluff

<ugfluf>We care about our customers. In fact, for our business, you could say the customers really are our mission.</ugfluf>

Basic obfuscation

<baob>Over time, our product delivers a tangible return on investment.</baob>

Advanced obfuscation

<adob>Our solution delivers extensible synergies across the value chain and energizes enterprise value creation engines, holistically and iteratively.</adob>

Because the syntax follows tried and true HTML and XML standards, BML appears likely to fill the void in business bull classification. It lends itself to the same text editors and, <baob>when used correctly, could cut the costs of business communication by up to 48 percent annually.</baob> Trust us on this one.